Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)

I really love this song, Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson.  

Think about what you have gone through in your life.  Has that made your stronger?  I think it has.  I know it has for me.

When my daughter, Ashleigh, was born & I was handed this perfect little baby girl.  I was so happy.  I loved her a lot.  I had no idea what was in store for us.  We did not know anything was wrong until Ash was about 15 months old.  We had an idea at 12 months, but nothing solid.  At one time, I was told I had to grieve for that perfect baby I thought we would have & I did.  I am not angry anymore.  I love my daughter for who she is & not for who she could had been.

It was a long road with Ashleigh.  When Ash was 18 months, she saw a development doctor, who ordered a MRI of her brain & they eventually sent her off to be evaluated for therapy in our home, which she was approved.  We had 3 therapists in our home weekly.  I credit Ashleigh's physical therapist during this period for teaching Ashleigh to walk, climb, etc.  She had to be taught.  

When Ashleigh was 6 years old, her pain in her legs started & so did the screaming at the top of her lungs.  No doctor wanted to listen to me.  "It's growing pains." No it is not.  You have a child with neurological issues & it is not growing pains.  I finally got a neurologist to listen to me.  She was put on medication to help with her pain.  

When Ashleigh was 9 years old, she was diagnosed with destructive behavior disorder.  She was put into a program called the Wrap around.  She was discharged from that for about a year than put back into it.  She has been having a lot of issues with her feelings, why she is the way she is, why Noah can do things she can't, etc.

Noah does not understand why Ashleigh has been fighting with him or why Ashleigh is the way she is or why I am the way I am.  I have tried several times to help him understand, but I am not explaining it well enough for him so I put him into therapy.  He has been struggling with this a lot lately.  I am worried that with Bolt's issues that it will affect Noah (read the blog post called Bolt).

Noah's asthma is under control.  It only took almost 5 years.  That is a long time.  A lot of late nights, lots of ER visits, a few ambulance rides.  Noah scared us many times.  I hope his asthma stays under control.  May is Asthma Awareness Month (I will post more on this later).

When Ashleigh was born, I was fine.  I was diagnosed with asthma & allergies along with recurring Kidney infections for the first year of her life.  When Noah was born, I was diagnosed with endo (surgery when he was 6 months old & almost a year old then I was fine).  Between Noah & Ethan, I got hurt, had back surgery, & lost the ability to work.  After Ethan was born, I was diagnosed with migraines.  Migraines were the worst when I was dizzy & I had a newborn to care for.  Living in pain is not fun, but having my kids with me all the time is the fun part.  I know I can do this every day if I have them to wake up to. 

Add in our 2 huskies.  Zeus & his separation anxiety.  I will always fight for him.  I will always help him feel safe & loved.  I will do whatever I have to for Bolt.

    So, back to what I said at the top of this.

Think about what you have gone through in your life.  Has that made your stronger? 

I need to go!  I have 2 huskies to take "outside"

Melissa